Comfortable Shoes--- Books Not Boys

Lying in bed not able to fall asleep is a dangerous thing for me. My head is spinning like a roulette table. Where the ball lands nobody knows and only trouble will ensue. I need to just learn to grab a book and read a few pages instead of my phone. It only leads to stalking lost loves and old crushes.

Which then leads me to accidentally sending a video  chat request a 2: 30 am. How come there isn't a in case you're stalking an old crush disable all chat capabilities settings for when your phone slips out of your hand and you won't push a chat button by mistake, Goggle? My lighting speed reactions couldn't stop this snafu. Because now all of a sudden my phone is no longer super sensitive to my touch. No matter how I panickly hit the red cancel button for this request the phone just isn't going to respond. Also, just so you know hitting the back button in this instance doesn't cancel it either, as I cleverly thought would rectify the situation. So there I am almost  3 am thinking damn I just got caught and now try sleeping on that. Constantly thinking what if I set his phone off. Maybe he doesn't have goggle hangouts open on his phone. So maybe, it was sent to his email, no harm right? Ok I'll just send something in the morning apologizing, to stop him from thinking I'm so far deranged and crazy, and can't leave him alone that I think a 2 am video chat request is acceptable.

After my eyelids have finally grown heavy and I'm starting my new day I send an email explaining my unintentional late night actions. 'Click,  and just like me as I hit send, what if he never got any notice at all because he doesn't use hangouts on any of his devices and I just told on myself. Then I start romanticizing. What if, my snafu was a blessing in disguise and now he knows I'm available and maybe still interested and he's single and to make a grand gesture he's going to just show up wherever I am to confess how much he's a jack ass for not noticing how perfect a mate I would be and have a ring. 'Snap Snap!' Andria, one life is not like a romcom , two, you don't like surprises, and three, you already know you are going to die alone and penniless.  Though there is hope maybe not penniless if I just leave them boys alone.

Comfortable Shoes-- Murder and the Gecko

I committed murder, well more like an accomplice. What's worse is there's no way knowing if the little guy is actually dead. Which is more disturbing than the act of murder.  It started one innocentwhen I was readying myself for a shower  and turning on the water. I noticed unusual movement at the back of the tub. Not being able to actually see I grab my glasses and look again hoping its a bug I could easily manage to dispose of. It turns out to be a tiny little gecko. What the fuck? How do I get rid of this guy while in nothing but a towel. Cause everyone knows you are more vunerable when you're naked. I thought I could force the bugger back down the drain using the showerhead  hose. I could only manage to get the guy swirling in a whirlpool around the drain. Thinking he has drowned I would change the water pressure to finish him off, he scurry to dryer land and security causing me to restart the death ride by whirlpool. Never being successful of getting him down the drain I gave up. I just wanted to go to bed, though desperately needing a bath of some kind, I agree upon some kind of quasi sponge bath. Always keeping a watchful eye on the tub. Hoping he'll get a clue and go back  where he came from. I go to bed hoping to not see him again.

My dreams not coming true. I try a killer for hire, grabbing my cat I try to get her to notice the tasty morsel of fun in the tub. Without success, I free her from  her binding contract and get ready for work. Hoping this mofo well be gone so I can have a proper shower tonight is all I think about all day at work. Leaving the shower curtain pried open if PJ decides to finish him. Thinking maybe maybe I'll get a broom and sweep him out the tub if he's still there. Instead of death by drowning or cat.

I come home check the tub. I don't see him.  I move the curtain no sign of him. Oh he gone he's gone! Just to make sure I ask my mom if she new how the gecko was disposed of. She doesn't know, but to make sure he doesn't come back I should place the plug over the drain so he won't make his way back. Brilliant idea.

I go to place the plug and there nestled in the grove of the drain, Mr Gecko. I thought about letting the heavy stainless steel crush him, but thought the mess it would make and how much harder it would be to easily dispose his lifeless body down the drain. This would need more consultation with my mom. I alert that the gecko is still lingering around in the tub. She enters the bathroom for further inspection. She asked if I tried hosing him down the drain. I said yes but I would get him to swirl around in the drain and not down it. She grabs the showerhead puts it on full force and the water as hot as possible. Since He's already in the drain he only has one place to go further down after a min or two removing the spraying water he finally never resurfaced. Now maybe maybe he just went safely down further in the drain. Out of personal experience it's seems really hard to drown a gecko. We might not be gecko killers. My mom to make sure hes gone tells me to go grab the oven cleaner. My question is will oven cleaner do him in or disfigure it and make it angry. I want him to leave the premises and death by oven cleaner seems like a cruel way to go. I have no reason to object and do as she said.

Now that the drain has been doused in oven cleaner I'm suppose to feel safe. He's never coming back. My showers can be blissful again. Ohh no my overly imagative weary mind is thinking about this half burnt mutant gecko now doing chin ups on a roof pipe hellbent on getting revenge. I've been remembering to cover the drain after every shower just in case he trys to make his comeback. Then one day upon close inspection. I noticed that the drain was slightly askew, could it be that Mr. Gecko was indeed not dead and ploting his revenge. Anxiously I take my shower, but then I see a wierd residue in the drain water. I think what if he's really dead and that's the gases from his decompising body in my drain. And then my last thought was, is there a liquid drano for this.

Lunch Breaks

So it's starts with a very brisk 5 minute walk for a quarter of a mile to the sandwich shop. A 6 minute wait in line and order, cause I was unfortunate and got the early lunch. Another 3 min even brisker walk back. Sit at the bench at the reflecting pools and eat sandwich for 6 minutes. One minute to clean up. 2 minutes to walk back and put up the other half of uneaten sandwich. Because you can't eat a whole sandwich in 6 minutes, it's a feat even I can't defy.  I then finally get to pee for 4 minutes and back up the stairs and at post in one minute with a minute to spare. I even managed to do all this without passing out. How is your lunch break at your day to day grind? Tell me in the comments below.

Late Bloomers are Always in a Pickle

It's like a 10 years non existence of nothing. However yet I still find myself pining after you and contemplating if there is actually something there. As much as I don't want to, as much as I know it's not worth it, as much as I know it be better for me if I just forget you, as much as I tell myself to just stop, I don't. I will waver back and forth and you always win. I guess the heart is a persnickety creature. Or is it, that stupid 90's thing of wanting closure. Because sometimes it feels it was all in my head or was there some flirting in the beginning, then as always my timing is off and even though I might have been somewhat obsessively pushy. I always feel if all else fails be obsessively pushy, that'll seal the deal, not. It's not entirely my fault, with all do respect he was a such an ass about it. Shouldn't that be enough to forget it and move on, why am I trying to hold on to nothing, get back nothing., going back and forth of wanting to knee him in the teeth to then forgive and let be. Now four years later I'm chasing him down at shows. Cause of course he would be in band and be a drummer. What am I thinking? It is possible I just like hating myself feeling like some deranged groupie. Which by the way, no matter how I'll try to explain or get my point across I'll be that crazy girl. My first show in a while I couldn't say anything. I did want to enjoy myself, I thought being silent and adverting eyes was the best way to come off as cold and dead inside. When I left there alone, thinking I blew it.. I shouldn't have been a bitch. See what happens when a I'm bitch, I feel guilty it about always, later. And of course because I blew it last time, I don't even get a second time to at least try to mend things at the next show.

 Here I am with no closure and no way of making amends to the past. I could get another chance but lets face it, I had my second chance and there's no getting it back. I could wait around for another, but what for, I'm only the one who puts out the effort, who puts myself out on the line for what? Another humiliation. The easiest way to work a guy out of my system, kiss him, fuck him, be absolutely disgusted by him. So how do you work yourself out from under a man and move on, when you never where exactly underneath him. Hmmm, and its not like I'm not eyeing other people, but I seem to be in this vortex where I can't get a date, let alone a boyfriend to save my life. A welcomed distraction of my time would be nice and yes I have my art and maybe my I'm going to die an old maid so why even bother, but that boy sure is cute isn't getting me anywhere, maybe something that's a more proactive pursuit. I could also look at my possibilities which is another drummer, which come on have I not learned my lesson already or the guy I occasionally fuck. Which NO, I should never, why ruin a good thing just to get over some other guy. I have picked up every known craft a spinster could have(and by every known, I mean sewing and knitting), unless I want to start making things out of cat hair, something has got to change. So as you can see I do have my pickle in quite the jam. Either I become my next work in progress. Or have this slight obsession of trying to mend something that is beyond repair. Lets not talk about how dangerously close I am to emailing him again which is kinda how I found myself in this mess to begin with. OK, so obsessing about me it is.

Class Act

You're taking a leisurely walk or sitting at your desk and then...YOU run your hand through your hair feeling something funny and that's odd, you don't remember putting a bobby pin in your hair. Now this foreign object is in your hand and you can't make out what it is. So now it's this panic of mystery and uncertainity. What is this in my hair, is it a leaf, a dried piece of flower, a seed of some kind or worse.....the dead carcass of a bug or worse a live carcass of a bug, maybe bird shit? Now depending on the situation and may be able to quickly discard it on the sly hoping no one sees you ditch something after running your fingers through your hair and be on your merrily way, maybe run you fingers through again just to make sure there isn't anymore. But then you might think to yourself  as you get rid of it, did anyone see it in my hair? How long has it been  in my hair? Is there more than one? Did they start multiplying? And if someone saw something in my hair, why didn't they say anything preventing further colonization in you hair.  Cause if they seen it do they just think that you never wash your hair allowing unimaginable things to grow in it. Now if you're are not situation number one. You might want to take a look before you toss it. You might take a quick look to make sure no one has saw you discover something in you're that shouldn't be there. But do you dare after the freak out, to look at it, to actually find out what it is. What if it is a bug, a living bug in you're hair all day, with maybe others that you haven't discovered yet, creating a family and putting up real estate. So you look and squint and then finally release your breath, ohh it's just a balled up little dried leaf. And this is what happened from my walk to my car from work.

Comfortable Shoes-- July 19

So you are probably wondering why call my blog dairy Comfortable Shoes. Well after years of receptionist to desk job to salon receptionist to desk job to salon receptionist. Floating in a ebb of mindless unappreciated work. I grew found of heels and in a sitting all damn day positions heels are perfect. Heels made me feel beautiful, heels got me attention. Now I'm not going to say that all heels are comfortable, some more than others yes. However  comfortable shoes come in array of different flavors and what can be deemed as comfortable can actually be uncomfortable. Like my currently worn 15 dollar ballet flats from Target. They look comfortable but that's about it because Target doesn't know what a size 10 ballet flat is and so I have once again had to get a size 10 because the size 11 barely stays on my fit, but none the lesson learned no more buying ballet flats from Target not matter how adorable.

As I was saying, heels became my go to girls and when I finally got the dream job I've always wanted,  well wait... partial dream job of working at an art museum I quickly learned the definition of comfortable shoe for this job and heels was not one of them at least not for standing up  7 hours a day on white oak floors and Italian marble. No shoe will ever be comfortable for that but I learned to have to beauty over function.

But it also works as a metaphor always grasping for that comfortable shoe and not quite getting it. So in the end I grab a shoe hoping it will be the comfort I seek for 7 hours of hard floors and most of the time they just don't live up to the hype. I mean I even bought crocs  ballet flats. Me wearing crocs? granted they don't look like Crocs but yeah crocs??? All I know is I miss my heels.

Comfortable Shoes- May 21st

Never considered myself to be a too tall gal. But maybe tall enough that the short guys look me over and walk on. To never be hit on at all, makes this short guy geek well, feel very small. However I adore short handsome men. Their like bite size single serving delicacies. Until I really got to think about. As I all maul things over while checking out this beautiful short guy over the counter. Up and down and all around I noticed that this bite size delicacy had  tiny man hands. And  as I look at his tiny, man, hands and then mine and his tiny hands and back to mine. I realized I couldn't do it with a man who's hands are tinier than mine and with this I know I ain't missing on anything.